Well I have been home for about two or so weeks and have had the house to myself for a week now. Its insane I wanted the peace and quiet of being on my own, since I arrived home for the summer. I had forgotten though just how quiet my house gets when I am by myself. Trust me I am not regretting staying home to take classes and I am enjoying having the house to myself, but at the same time it seems almost too quiet for my 'enegetic-need to talk to someone all the time- and cant stop moving self.' To procure the situation of being home without anyone to talk to (and you have to understand I live in the middle of no where- people could have the most precise map in the world but because of where I live they still wouldnt be able to find my house) I keep the music blaring in my house, try to entertain my two rather large dogs outside (though its in the mid 90s outside and my dogs can only take so much heat) and I clean the house. Insane of all the things in the world that I could do with all of my free time I clean. I guess God is teaching me a lesson, haha, if you knew me as a child I was the one that had to clean all the time because I am four years older than my only sibling, so I hated to clean. If I could avoid cleaning that was my mission for the day. Not because I like for my place to be trashed but I always felt that after scrubbing the house from top to bottom more than twice to three times a week was enough and anymore than that was insane. Now though I have learned to do that when I get bored. It may seem insane for me to say this but I deffinately think that God has helped to open my eyes to other things in life and this just happens to be one of those things: cleaning when I have more than five or so free minutes. Which to me deffinately makes me think that God has quite a sense of humor. I mean you think about it, what is the one thing that as a child you hated and now you (whether you want to admit it or not) find yourself doing to relax yourself/wind down the day, you may do it because now you love to, or you do it sheerly out of habbit without really thinking about it too much. Most likely there are other things that people and myself do that we hated as children and now for some reason it is the one thing that we enjoy doing most frequently. So in my house, which was filled with constant trumpet music ( I love my brother more than anything but he is driving me insane practicing and practicing as if every minute were his last), my dogs barking all hours of the after noon at my dad who would be outside working (they were barking because they so desperately want outside to play with him), and my mother watching tv occasionally and reading outloud (dont ask me why, I have lived with her for 20 years now and still havent figured that one out because she not reading to anyone except herself); my house is now filled with a deafening quiet while I clean, and blaring music while I try to find something interesting to do other than watch tv or cook.

Life can be rather interesting. Just in a matter of days I went from planning another whirl-winded vacation to London to deciding on what classes to take at Ole Miss for the summer. Though it came as somewhat of a shock to me yes I found myself looking at classes. I just recently found out that the classes my advisor and I decided on needed some prerequisits that I do not have though I am not intirely sure that it is all her fault because the field I am working is making some rather large changes to it. Though I do not necessarily need them to get into the classes now I will need them down the road and did not want to get behind due to this little set back. It was a rather large disappointment when I found out that I had to take the four classes but I went on my parents however do not find that because I cannot go that they should cancel their trip so they are still going while I am stuck here. I am still going to Florida though this summer for a few days I will miss about three days of classes but this is one trip I am really looking forward to. I just hoped to have a slow and relaxing summer where I now know it most likely wont be, relaxing that is. My dad says that this is just a little bump in the road and is nothing to be worried about because he knows that I will do fine in these very short classes, which that is my main concern, how short of time that I have to learn all of the material I need for the classes. I know however that God will help me do all of the studying that I need to do to ace the courses if I have faith that with his help I can do this. So life is rather interesting.

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

So even though I have already written once today I felt compelled to share the rest of my day. Today was kind of interesting, it had its ups, its downs, and all together by the end of dinner I needed a break. For some reason during the middle of dinner at the center I began to feel hesitant towards things that are happening in my life but I knew I did not need to worry about them. So as a way to find out what was causing this I began to say silent prayers during dinner. By about 6:30 or so I for some reason knew I just couldnt continue to sit around in the center. It was almost as if for some reason God wanted me to get up and go, though I dont want to make that assumption just because thats the way I was feeling at the moment, but then again who am I to decide whether God was wanting to me to get up and about or not. So I ran upstairs put on my shoes, grabbed my keys, found my cell phone, and a camera ( for some reason I am not sure why I did but I ended up using it). After leaving the center, I wasnt sure where I was going, I just knew that God would compell me to go in a direction that I could find peace, so I went and filled up my gas tank, and started to drive. I found myself leaving Oxford on highway 6 headed towards Batesville. Insane I know, driving around with no clue as to where I was going to go, much less where I would end up with it being so close to dark. All I knew at that point was that I needed to get out of town, it didnt matter where, just some place where I could go to think and to find clarity. As I drove though I turned off my music, rolled down my windows (of course I will pay for that later when my allergies catch up as they are just now beginning to) and I said a continuous prayer that God will help me to find peace and clarity and of course thanking him for all of the blessings he has bestowed upon my family and I and thanking him for everything he has done for me. Well about half way to Batesville, I turned right, off of the highway and I instantly knew where I wanted to go. I was headed towards Sardis Lake Christian Camp, the camp I went to every year for nearly 10 years. The camp is about a mile from sardis lake. So after driving for nearly 40 minutes I finally got to the camp and found myself continuing on the road and eventually onto the dirt road that it transitions to just down the road. After another 5 or so minutes I came to a stop. I was there, at the lake. A two minute hike down some small rocks brought me to what the camp so fondly called 'the point' where we went for one of the evening devos during the week we spent at camp. I retrieved my camera from my car and slowly made my way down the rocks stopping every few seconds to take a picture of different things, mainly I took pictures of the sunsetting though. After I ran out of film, I sat down and cleared all the thoughts in my head and restarted my prayer. This time though I spent the whole time I was in prayer just thanking him for everything. After about 15 or 20 minutes in prayer I began to sing songs of praise to God. I sang any song that came to mind. Amazingly enough though the only songs that came to mind were songs that are usually requested at Prayer and Praise on Tuesday nights. Songs like 'As the Deer Thirst', 'Light the Fire', 'As the Deer(no not a repeat)', 'Amazing Grace', 'Blue Skies and Rainbows', and so many more. Instead of focusing on trying not to focus on things that are going on in my life right now, God held me close to his side and showed me that it was okay to run away for a little while and not think about everything that is happening, only as long as I ran back after a while. Every where I looked I could see his amazing grace for us, for his people, for the people he created that he loves so much. It is so easy to be distracted by life's little 'catastrophies' but sometimes I wonder if that is God's way of saying "Look you need to take a break and find me again, not find what you want, find what my will for you is. Only then will you find the peace you are so longingly are searching for." I found him again today. Not in the every day place that I look for him at on a 'look a little and if you dont find what your looking for give up' kind of basis, but I acutally went out of the way to find him today. It is amazing what peace overcomes you when you take the time to put God first and allow him to mend your wounds. I love my Lord, with him anything is possible even the impossible, but without him nothing is possible. He gives me strength every day. So for today and forever this is the verse that I look to for strength: "My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from him." -Psalms 62:1. That verse speaks to me because I know at the end of the day whether good or bad God is the one who will greet me and comfort me if I let him. He wants to be the one that we can go to for comfort in times of joy and despair. I trust God to guide my life and so all the little things that I have spent time dwelling on this semester and last are no longer of great importance to me because God is in control and he will be my guide.

Life can be so crazy sometimes. Last night at church we had a fellowship meal for all of the people that are moving away from Oxford in the up and coming two or so months. I realized that many of my friends were in that group. In fact most of the group was made up of people I have become very close to. Ann, Carla, and Carla's husband Nathan (Ann and Carla who are sisters are my cousins and Nathan is my cousin through marriage obviously), Leann and Jeremy, and Soko, there were a few others but for the most part those are the people I have really developed ties to. I took a look around and many of the people I had become accustomed to hanging out with are going to be gone for a while. Hayden is going to Harding next year and William is moving to Memphis from June to January. After dealing with that I realized that exams were this week and that 'oh boy' I have a stats test at eight in the morning. Things just kept building up last night. After most of the dinner was over and people began to go home, my dad and I took a walk around and discussed some of the things on my mind. We talked about me stressing over this and that, but mostly about me stressing over the things I have no control over. That seems to be one of my bigger weaknesses, I tend to feel as if I need to be in control of every thing that is going on in my life. I know its insane and its something that I have really been working on and praying about. My dad made a good point though, he said ' I know you feel like things are up in the air, especially about exams and a couple of other personal issues, but you do not need to focus on the issues that you cant do anything about. You need to relax and stop trying to be in control because you know that in the end God will take care of it all.' And he is right, I am so easily overcome by all of the things happening around me that I forget that God is in control and so I need to stop trying to always be in control. So as I continue to ramble on for just a bit more I am teaching myself at the same time that its okay to not have control over every aspect of my life and that I need to stop worrying about what will happen in the future and just concentrate on the things that are pertinate because in the end if I put my faith in God things will work out according to his will.

Just recently my family and I went through some very stressful series of events. I come from a rather large family and it seemed that every member of my family was suffering through a rash explosion of health concerns and other personal issues. At the time I became rather stressed while trying to deal with helping my grandparents out, trying to check on my aunt to make sure there wasnt anything she needed, trying to stay in contact with my parents and little brother (though my parents and brother live about 10 miles outside of town, which is where I live, it is difficult to see them except for Sunday mornings at church), and then dealing with my own personal issues. My dad recieved news about two or three weeks ago from the state department saying that he was going to have to undergo an investigation before he was allowed to take the BAR exam (he graduated from law school this past December), it was partly standard proceedure but also one of his former employers was disgruntled still from when my dad quit working for him, ALMOST 10 YEARS AGO, rediculous I know. He tried to convince my dad before he quit that my dad would never be able to find a job doing work for anyone else because no one was as 'generous' as he was and given the fact that my dad only had nearly two years of college behind him. Which my dad being a computer technician knew better than to be fed the lies of an employer who would stoop to nothing to prove his point. My dad after working for this man for almost five years quit his job and began as a server at a restuarant in Nashville. Soon after he was promoted to manager and from there we moved when I was 10 to Orlando, where my dad began work as a health insurance man, working for a major insurance company in Orlando. Five years went by and we had not heard from his employer. After living in Orlando for five years my dad made a change, he realized that he needed to finish his education, at least recieve his bachelors degree. So we moved back to Mississippi, where my dad worked extreemly hard and recieved his bachelors degree in Political Science. From there he decided that he wanted to get his law degree and so he did, in fact he finished a semester early because he devoted his summers to law school, even when it meant spending 7 weeks in Hawaii for two summers with myself, my mother, and my little brother. Now I know that seems well funny to hear that but while my mother, brother, and I were outside playing in the beautiful Hawaiian sun my dad spent most of his time indoors having to regretably study. Now after living for five years in Mississippi, my dad has completed his bachelors degree and gone to law school and completed his law degree with honors. It has been ten years and my dad just recently heard that his former boss (because in Ms the state requires that you list every employer you have had in just over the previous ten years so that the state can do some research and basically a background check on all people applying to take the BAR exam... its just precautionary) said that my dad should not be allowed to take the BAR. Well my dad went through alot of paper work and had to write a paper explaining why he feels he should be allowed to take the exam, in which he expressed his faith that God works in all things and that no matter what happened he knew that it would not be the end of the world because he knew that God will be there every step of the way. Which leads me to the point, God works in mysterious ways, my dad quite honestly was sad that there was even the slightest chance that someone as vindictive as a man he has not heard from in nearly ten years, could ruin what he has worked so hard to become and so naturally my dad has been a little depressed. Today though God has proven that even through the obstacles that seem so large and invasive he can do his work to help others as well as ourselves. My dad was notified over the phone that after the inquiry there was no evidence to support the man who said my dad shouldnt take the BAR and my dad said that the weight seemed to have been lifted. There was a pause though on the phone when the woman who had called informed him of his ability to take the exam. She started to speak once more and said to my dad that there was one condition, that he pray for her and her son. See her son is a police officer somewhere south of here and there are some issues that their family are going through because of his job and it could create some even large and legal issues for their family. The thing about this is that though my dad and my family could not understand why he was even being questioned, as to whether or not he should be allowed to take the exam, we now know why. God had a more intricate detail to his plan that only he could see at first, we only saw the smaller picture: my dad's problem, we did not see the bigger picture: the fact that someone else could benefit from my dad's problem. God works in mysterious ways, he does amazing works, even on the cloudiest of days the sun can shine through making the day a bright and sunshiny day. My favorite song for the week is "I can see clearly": I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way, Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind, its going to be a bright, bright sunshiny day..." God does this for us, though we can only see the smaller picture in life but God knows what is best for us and eventually when the clouds are cleared away we will understand in the end. Thats my thought for the day.

A beautiful day in the neighborhood...

Well today was quite a day, whether for sleeping or just playing outside. It was so beautiful though outside that even as tired as I was it was difficult to decide which I wanted to do. In the end I went for the extra sleep. Today it was almost a perfect day, except for the fact that finals are next week. The sun was shining fully with God in every ray, it was extraordinary looking at the sunlit path laid out before me. The wind was blowing softly, kissing the faces of every student on campus, allowing the spring breeze to lighten our hearts. The temperature was a perfect 74 degrees, it was so warm but not too warm and not too cool. It was just one of those days where God could be seen in everything. No matter where I looked I could not find a reason why not to smile. I had this comforting feeling that God was beside me in my walk today by just taking a look around and seeing his creation.