Life for me has always seemed to be one up hill battle after another with many good times in between. For most people their lives seem to be good times pretty much all the time with a few battles here and there. I have learned though that as I get older I begin to take on the problems of the people I love and spend so much time with. For me I guess that when I work with other people I have the tendency to become so over worked in their lives that I forget where my role begins and ends. I have always been one of those people you see that is over weight; from the time I was born I have dealt with being over weight. It seems that, as I got older though it began to really eat me up inside because of underlying issues that naturally follow this kind of problem. For me though as I grew older and dealt with my weight problem by going from one diet to the next I developed an unhealthy complex where I convinced myself that I would never be as pretty or as skinny as what the every day girl should be. Stupid I know, but to a 15-year-old girl that becomes the biggest issue in high school for them. Though I have always been told by my family that I am a pretty and smart girl I had become so convinced that society would never see me this way and eventually I had myself convinced that my family was only saying this to make me feel good because ‘surely how could they look at me and not see what I saw?’ Since I had myself completely convinced that this was the case I began to develop a comfort zone that would eventually prevent me from getting to know people or talking to people for days at a time because I was convinced that no one would want to talk to a ‘fat person’. I hate to admit it but because of these issues both mine and other people’s I developed an eating disorder, but it was not the common eating disorder that many girls much like myself face. See my best friend in times of need, stress, disappointment, sadness, and so much more became food. I began to feel like it was the one true thing that could cheer me up and make all of my problems go away. Actually what it did was just add to the problems I was already dealing with. I no longer was dealing with family problems, the inability to relate with my mom, problems at school, not having many friends, and problems that the friends I did have were looking to me for advice from. I was dealing with all of that and at times more plus this eating disorder that began to grow as I got older. What I didn’t realize though is that as time moved on and the more time that passed while having this problem I was beginning to have less and less faith in God to allow him to guide me down the right road. I began to think ‘why me, why I am having to deal with all of this’ or ‘God please just let it all go away’; when in fact all of these problems were problems brought on by the comfort zone that I had begun to live in. It may seem ridiculous for some one to allow their own mind to play tricks on them and keep them hostage in a world that they created, but for me this was the world I was living in, a world where Satan had control over me through planting the little bit of doubt in myself and as I grew so did that seed. I now realize that he found his way in to my life by convincing me that I had no power over what I ate when and what emotions led me to step back into my self destructive comfort zone, when in fact I had control the whole time but had just become so convinced that I didn’t I stopped caring about the negativity and burdens I was carrying around. Like I said before it may seem ridiculous but for me it was reality it was the up hill battle that I have faced for twenty years now. As of last night though I took a step out of my self-destructive comfort zone and though it is going to be a long road to recovery and change I am ready to face Satan with God as my shield and sword. From now on I am going to spend time in the word when I become depressed or anything that would have normally made me want to eat. I know that with God and a little help and encouragement from my friends I can do this I can face my fears and step out of that comfort zone.