So this is just a little weird... today I mean. Its going to be a very long day I can already tell. For starters Debrah woke me up early this morning to tell me that some guys were coming to fix my shower (for two weeks or so now I could only take bathes b/c the grout in my shower was just so thinned out that the shower wall had begun to leak). For nearly the whole time that I was kept from using my shower all I could think was "Please someone come fix the shower I cant take any more bathes I have to have a shower." Then just after 7:30 this morning Debrah came and knocked on my door and woke me up to tell me that there were guys coming to fix my shower around 8:30 and all I could think was "ugh... more sleep must have more sleep" at which rate I caught myself thinking this and thought "what are you doing shower/sleep... which do I want/need more?" Definately the shower. So now its a little after 9:30 and three very strange and (if I may say) redneck guys are all crammed into my bathroom. As I sit here listening to them carry on about cars and using their houses as target practice and using every redneck phrase known to man all I can think is " I cant take much more of their HUMOR... its got to stop... please let them finish quickly... I dont want to leave them alone in my room." I know thats horrible but its so true. I mean these are the circumstances in which I fear what they will do or mess with while Im gone. Anyways... I know thats horrible and while theyre joking and redneck anecdotes and target practice talk is deminished and has in fact gone to a scary slience except for the constant scraping noise that is the product of them working on my shower wall... I am trying to be nice but one phrase keeps running through my head "I'm trying to like people, but its just so hard to weed through the stupid ones!" Part of my problem though with them isnt really with them. Its the fact that I have a spanish midterm tonight that was moved up and some of my study time has been taken away. OH GOODNESS theyre refering to "the jaws of life, birds, trucks, camoflauge, and guns" all in the same sentence. This is very scary. Ive had to deal with my fair share of redneck guys in the past because I grew up hanging around the guys at the shop, I didnt think that was too bad, I mean its just strange because compared to these guys the ones at the shop that I grew up with seem somewhat normal. I know that God made everyone in his image and that we should love others as we love ourselve and do unto others as we would want done unto us, so all I have to say is that I now know that God has a sense of humor. I know that was mean, but its sooo true.

Sometimes I find myself wondering where God's leading me. I mean I have changed my major and I look forward to seeing where God guides me with that, but there are so many aspects to my life that I am still so unsure of. I mean I wake up every morning dreading going to class, I get my shower, finish getting ready for class, and then it begins - the rat race for the day. While I'm running this race I cant help but wondering "where am I running to?" Where am I running? I mean I know that God is working in my life, I can see him doing so, and I trust him with my life, I mean after all he created this world and my life. I just wonder if I'm heading in the right direction. I think he's been opening some doors for me and now I have to make a few decissions on which doors I need to pass through, but even though I know all of this I almost have to wonder if Satan isn't trying to disguise himself as a door or two so that I will fail because I am so unsure about the direction that God is pushing me in. I have the issues with my major solved, but there are so many other aspects to my life that I feel as if I need a push in the right direction. I mean I want and need advice almost all of the time on handeling family related issues, issues with (a/or) guy/s (I guess I should say - what girl doesnt... but this case is special in a way), and so much more but those are the two that come to mind right off. I guess what I need is reassurance that I can handel all of this and that the direction that I'm heading in is the right direction. I dont know if any of this makes any sense. As a child and teenager I knew what I wanted out of life: a job that I loved, a family of my own, great friends, a little free time, I wanted to travel, to know that God is in charge of my life, and to be certain of the direction that I was heading in. Out of all that I have great friends and I know that God is in charge of my life, but I'm no longer certain about everything else and its not that I dont want that, its that I dont know if I will find all of that. I just find myself so twisted up inside about all of this and I know I shouldnt be, but I stay confused continuously and at the end of the day I find myself emotionally exhausted and telling myself "everything is going to work itself out...". Is it though, is everything going to work itself out or do I need to be taking care of it (with God guiding me and telling me what to do) to make sure that things go the way they're supposed to. I dont know anymore. All I know is that I find myself wondering about this all the time. Maybe some of the issues I deal with are from being shy and being too scared to take the lead that I need to take. Guys for instance I keep telling myself that God will guide me and I know he is, especially lately, but I wonder if hes telling me that in some instances I need to be a little forward, not too forward but a little because of the times. I dont know... what should I do?